I am not complaining

There had been one pressure that had been apparent on my forehead; since my marital separation for good with my estranged other half. The pressure was literally constant for over 5 years almost that included my 14+9 months’ secret suffering during the association. Since my other half was not ready to budge for divorce and continue to keep me in new anxiousness, I was living with a feeling of being stranded and handicapped with no legal options. Plus the absence of the greatness in me to accept the falsely woven circumstances that could have led my family behind bars unless there was no divine intervention. I was thankful for being saved but frustrated for the suspension of the proceedings at personal level. This led me to frequent pleading and complaining with the governor upstairs.

Meanwhile I lost my father in race against time, who was pleading the relatives of the absconding opposite side (my x’s family) to come forth and begin the proceedings amicably and make way for both the individuals to move on and progress. It was all in vain as it yielded only false promises and no reciprocation. Their arrogance and tone is discounted here.

Now all the moral responsibilities of nursing my widowed mother was on my shoulder, the non healing ulcer on her leg had resurfaced once again and I accompanied her now instead of my father to the hospital of specialist doctor. This was a very regular phenomenon and since I had lost my best job and I was home because of a broken will power due to personal and professional life mess.

One of the days I saw what we see daily but this time I could interpret something worthwhile out of this. I saw a young laborer of apparently 13 years of age from Uttar Pradesh being rushed by his fellow workers in the waiting room of the hospital where we were waiting in queue outside doctors consulting room.

The young boy’s right hand was lost in a machine accident while working and he was bleeding profusely. His innocent face is still fresh in my mind even after close to 3 years. What happened to me next was a realization and perception changer. I controlled my tears as due to tensions I was not strong but I managed.

My inner voice told me that what should I complain about after seeing this? I just looked at my hands they were intact. At his age I used to play and not work, I used to be with my parents unlike him who was sent by his poor parents to work and send money back home in UP. My enquiry of his age got no response as the workers feared a case on the employer but they confirmed that his parents were away from him in UP and he was alone with no moral support in this adverse times at this young age.

I realized that we forget to see what we have, as we concentrate on what we do not have, we start cribbing the whole life with the “should-be” greed in us. Yes a motivational speaker of a management school may not agree with me as ambitions against contentment would not see profits in a greedy organization. But that does not interest me as I have realized the importance of right things and giving only the right importance to things and not over do it. I am talking of ultimate mental comfort and that is to know the positives of life and becoming practical as the race is long and actually with self and no one else. I immediately asked for forgiveness from god and realized that we do not realize that the situations could be worse and we need to be thankful for not being in a situation that could be worst.

I was happy that my parents were not arrested after the blackmail and threat of false case, instead of complaining that dad passed away with one sided follow ups that fetched him insults and anxious hopeful uncertain moments that he speculated for my successful divorce. I was happy that this event bought me and dad closer on spiritual terms and oriented my family from being just religious to being absolutely spiritual. This made me realize that I am suffering because of my seeds that I had sown once which are reaping fruits now and the fault is not of anyone else. Plus I should accept the sentence with positives and serve it with a peaceful understanding mind. This has made me come to terms with life and being more practical.

Else there would have been a difference in just understanding versus actually experiencing it. As experience not just enhances the belief but confirms it, as it acts as an unshakable foundation. Every time anyone would advise me to take desperate measures I would simply be stable as I have realized that ultimate truth is not to show someone but to be as peace with self.

I see the positives around me that I was lucky to be born in a family with spiritual values. Thanks to my Fondness in Jainism and its fine tuned version in Akram Vignan of Dada Bhagwan. I do get my doses of Deepakbhai Desai from Television to keep going without blaming anyone as I realize that it’s all my fault of past births that makes me suffer, thus accepting that whatever has happened is justice.

Jai Satchitanand.

Thank the Trouble Makers

Lord Mahavir as a monk was fasting since 5 months and 25 days and he had decided to break his fast only through the hands of an individual who fulfilled his secret preconditions. His pre conditions were that the person….

1.                  head should be shaven.

2.                  should offer the food in winnowing pans.

3.                  should be in tears.

4.                  hands and feet should be chained.

5.                  should be wearing a single cloth.

6.                  should offer only soaked black peas.

7.                  should have fasted for 3 days.

8.                  should be having one foot inside the house and other outside.

Offering food to a monk is a great privilege and Lord had decided his preconditions to accept food, these preconditions were secret as only lord knew it. This story was told to me by my mom when I was a kid. Now as a grown up I have my own inference with life.

Let us go through the story.

There was a beautiful princess named Vasumati. She was the daughter of king Dadhivahan and queen Dharini of the city of Champapuri. One day a war broke out between the King Dadhivahan and the king of nearby Kaushambi. King Dadhivahan was defeated in the war and went missing. While Princess Vasumati and queen Dharini decided to escape.

They were caught by an enemy soldier. They didn't know what the soldier would do to them. He told the queen that he would marry her, and that he would sell Vasumati. Upon hearing this, the queen went into shock and died. The soldier immediately felt sorry for his remarks and decided not to make any more comments. He took Vasumati to Kaushambi to sell her.

When it was Vasumati's turn to be sold in the slave market, a merchant named Dhanavah happened to be passing by. He saw Vasumati being sold and felt that she wasn't an ordinary girl. He thought she might have been separated from her parents and felt his fatherly love for her. So out of compassion Dhanavah bought Vasumati, and took her to his home.

When they reached home, the merchant told his wife, Moola, about Vasumati. "My dear," he said, "I have brought this girl home. She has not said anything about her past. Please, treat her like our daughter.” Vasumati was relieved. She thanked the merchant and his wife with respect. They named her Chandanbala, since she wouldn't tell anyone her real name.

Moola, on the other hand, was wondering what her husband would do with Chandanbala. She thought that he would marry her because of her beauty. Therefore, Moola was never comfortable with the idea of having Chandanbala around.

One day, when the merchant came home from his shop, the servant who usually washed his feet was not there. Chandanbala noticed this, and was delighted to have a chance to wash his feet for all the fatherly love he had given her. While she was busy washing the merchant's feet, her hair slipped out of the hairpin. The merchant saw this and felt that her hair might get dirty. So he lifted her hair and clipped it on the back of her head. Moola misread this event and felt insecure and jealous. Moola, supported by the servants, decided to get rid of Chandanbala as soon as possible.

When Dhanavah went on a three-day business trip, his outraged wife Right away called a barber to shave all of Chandanbala's beautiful hair, that her husband touched. Then she tied Chandanbala's legs with heavy shackles and locked her in a room, away from the main area of the house. She told all of the servants not to tell the merchant where Chandanbala was or she would do the same to them. Then Moola left to go to her parent’s house.

3 days later when Danavah returned from his trip, he didn't see either Moola or Chandanbala. He asked the servants about them. The servants told him that Moola was at her parent's house, but they didn't tell him where Chandanbala was because they were scared of Moola. He asked the servants in a worried tone, "Where is my daughter Chandanbala?” later out of compassion for Chandanbala and sympathy for the merchant the servant told him all about what Moola did to Chandanbala.

She took the merchant to the room where Chandanbala was locked up. Shocked Dhanavah unlocked the door and saw Chandanbala’s condition. He rushed to the kitchen to find some food for chandanbala who was hungry since 3 days. He found that there was no food left, but only some boiled lentils in a winnowing pan. The merchant decided to feed her that for the time being. After offering her food he rushed to the blacksmith to cut off the heavy shackles on her.

Chandanbala was thinking about how her life had changed. She started wondering how fate can change the life from rich to almost helpless. But, Chandanbala thought of offering lentils to someone else before eating. She got up, walked to the door, and stood there with one foot outside and one inside.

To her surprise, she saw a monk (Lord Mahaveera) walking towards her. She said, "Oh revered monk, please accept this food which is suitable for you.” But Lord Mahaveera had taken vow to fast until a person who met a certain conditions and offered him food.

As we know, his conditions were:

should have a shaved head, should offer the food in winnowing pans, hands and feet should be chained, should be wearing a single cloth, should offer only soaked black peas, should have fasted for 3 days, should be having one foot inside the house and other outside and should be in tears.

Therefore, Lord Mahaveera looked at her and noticed that one of his pre-decided conditions was still missing. She met all conditions except the tears in her eyes and therefore, Lord Mahaveera walked away. Chandanbala was very sad that Lord Mahaveera did not accept alms from her and started crying. Tears started running down her face. Crying, she again requested Lord Mahaveera to accept the alms. Lord Mahaveera saw the tears in her eyes and came back to accept the food knowing that all his conditions were met. Chandanbala now offered the lentils in Lord Mahaveera’s hand and was very happy.

Thus Lord Mahaveera’s fast for five months and twenty-five days was broken. As he met the person who satisfied all the condition he had thought of to accept the alms. Heavenly Gods celebrated the end of Lord Mahaveera’s fasting. By their magical power, Chandanbala's shackles were broken, her hair grew back, and she was again dressed as a princess. The loud music and celebration drew the attention of king Shatanik. He came to this place with his family, ministers, and other people. Sampul, a servant from the original kingdom, recognized Chandanbala. He walked towards her, bowed and, broke out in tears. King Shatanik asked, "Why are you crying?” Sampul replied, "My Lord, this is Vasumati, the princess of Champapuri, daughter of king Dadhivahan and queen Dharini.” The king and queen now recognized her and invited her to live with them.

Later, when Lord Mahaveera attained Kevala-gyana, the perfect knowledge, he reestablished the four-fold order of Jain Sangh (community). At that time, Chandanbala took Diksha and became the first nun (Sadhvi). She became the first sadhvi-president (head of the order of nuns) of 35000 sadhvis. When Chandanbala attained nirvana, her soul achieved liberation.

Story and photographs compiled from http://www.ejainism.com/chandanbala.html

My interpretation:

Like dada says do not look at the fault of others, rather look only at your fault. I would take the first half of the last sentence. And I personally realize the importance of Trouble Makers in our life. Imagine if Servants and Moola Sethani would not have clean shaven and chained Chandanbala then she would not have got qualified for her liberation and Lords’ precondition. Infact her trouble-makers were qualifiers and were only doing a noble job dressed in a form of atrocities which led chandanbala to achieve and attain moksha.

Similarly I thank my trouble makers for qualifying me as a better human being. And hence after a bout of suffering inspite of niruma’s gyan of dada I realize that “the more [my troublemakers] they trouble me the more I cling to god, I thank my trouble makers to trouble me, as they are only instrumental in bringing me closer to god”. And if in this process a tear drop falls from your eye, don’t break down may be its god’s one of the precondition to promote you to next level.”

Jai Jinendra

Jai Satchitanand.

God speaks with you, You got to listen…….

Background

I will never forget the experience of mine that taught me to see god’s message in every event of life. There are so many confirmations that it is simply difficult to ignore them. I get humbled down every time I think of it.

It was a Tuesday in July 2006, and I was working with aptech franchisee in VT. I was mutually separated from my estranged wife 2.5 yrs ago then and the clever anxiousness maintained by them was surrendering me. They would suggest but never turn up for formalities of divorce and not respond to any of our requests to part amicably and give a logical conclusion on paper. My x was venturing my plans independently and my contacts that I had shared with her for her progress in her career path by staying alone in my suburb and cleverly not releasing me. She was progressing but keeping me stranded and anxious by committing false dates, Prank calls, living a flashing life by giving hints to the neutral public that she is single and available and in a city where she had no relatives, or people to report to morally or keep a check on.

On the other hand, 498a misuse was kept open and one sided nature of alimony verdicts was a very effective hidden tool that still scares all husband’s family. Save Indian Family and my association with it was just new and a lot had to be achieved for husband’s welfare then. I was also a very soft target of people’s opinion about me due to the option of divorce. The constant depression led me to be un-ambitious and procrastinator.  I was constantly at sea and at mercy of my x, waiting for her co-operation in noting a mutual consent divorce at the family court without any nuisance. I was just taking each day as it came with total dejection. I was actually pushing myself each moment at my job because I was a male and could not run away as I had my ailing parents and my life and my career in front of me amid all gloominess.

Wanted the pleasure to reach home early that day.

With all these circumstances I used to be aloof in the office to avoid questions and situations that would recall my helplessness. I used to shy away from talks and run away and wind up early whenever I can and derive pleasure out of it. This day too was one such day when I decided to reach home early. I used to feel very much stable when I used to see my mom and dad and I literally used to pine in their absence when on work, I was so insecure. As usual with the forcible smile on my face I visited MSEB, one of my regular clients at Bandra from my Office in Fort (VT). I was free by 4 pm and now had no other work for the day and could have headed home directly but instead I thought that I must just show my face to my boss who that day was at his Andheri W branch and I accordingly headed there. I reached there at 4.30pm spoke with him for 2 minutes and decided to leave by 5.30pm.

Suddenly Chhaya, the manager of that branch called me to handle one client, she said the person was talking big but was apparently not decently dressed or spoken and was holding gutka in his cheek. I as a rule never underestimated anyone, I accepted the request. Meanwhile a generic quotation was prepared by the centre manager and handed over to me to close the deal. A deal of Rs.2500 to 50-75K per student was the range at retail level and at corporate which I used to handle, a single deal used to go max upto 13-16 lakhs in one go. This guy said he was the oldest aeronautical engineer with Jet Airways and gave names of Naresh Goyal etc etc. and Gutka was his work habit, He wanted to do a career course for himself and he would be sponsored by jet to the tune of 1.5 lakhs. Being used to corporate orders I was receptive and went a step further in asking how many people were given this opportunity and he replied “approx 150”. If I were to believe him I was staring at a potential order of 75K x 150 = 1 crore which could be negotiated but still it was on a figure that was never achieved in a single order. In past I had got unbelievable orders from the most un-presentable people thus defying the conventional quick fix beliefs. He spoke for long and suggested me a job at jet but my focus was to get the order and express my gratitude towards my boss for not sacking me in my difficult times.

Divine Intervention:

What happened now on is INTERESTING. His name was abhijit and We parted at around 5.45pm. I then updated the centre manager and left for home. Aptech andheri West branch was opposite station. I was at the Andheri station platform number 1, waiting for the train to come. It was 6.10pm and the borivali train came in, my cell phone started to ring and I picked up while getting in. It was a call from a public booth and it was abhijit. He said I am waiting below your office please come down, I want to meet you. I thought may be he was a head hunter and a fake inquiry, so I told him that I have already got inside the train. He refused to agree and said to get down and wait as he had more candidates for me to enroll. I missed the peak hour train which was having space for me to travel.

We met again outside station and he said his colleagues are on their way and I need to counsel them as he liked my counseling. I believed him again. I wanted to reach home early as I was free but got busy with this duty. He took me to the Irani hotel and we got probing each other in the personal lives. I was uncomfortable but allowed it to flow as business order was at the back of my mind. It was now almost an hour his colleagues did not come he order the 3^rd round of tea, and I got suspicious. He told me that he was a son of a big shot in VHP, he know my favorite spiritual guru Dada Bhagwan and Niruma and had been to Adalaj. That he was going to vaishnodevi as Jet sponsored such flights for staff and would get Prasad for me. I doubted if he was sent by my wife and may be he has mixed up something in TEA that I may not be aware of. So I decided to inform my dad of my whereabouts, incase if anything happens he should know that I was with some abhijit from jet airways last.

Breaking News:

The phones were not getting connected anywhere. The networks were jammed. And we also heard the police sirens 3-4 times in past 2 hours outside but we were talking and waiting. We spent 2 hours now in the Irani hotel almost close to 8.30pm and his friends did not turn up and I was still awake (LOL). We shared our personal lives and I told him about my marriage mess and SIF. After a long try I could get connected to my brother and started telling him where I was. My brother as if he was waiting for my call told me that he is SAFE and asked what about me?. I was perplexed. I asked what happened and he said there were bomb blasts in train and all were worried about me since networks were jammed. I was still casual, now since abhijit told me that his wife was waiting for him I told him to call her and inform that he was safe.

Truth about Him:

All the while he pretended that he had mobile, now he said his mobile is in his pant pockets but has no talk time. I offered him my phone to connect. I thought He called his wife and spoke but since he was not connected and while he pretended to talk on my mobile, my mobile beeped to the receipt of SMS which told me he was not connected but just pretending to talk, and I realized that he is a definite fake. Now very consciously I got up and told him that we need to move as I cannot wait any longer since it was 9.30pm he agreed and I knew that his jet colleagues etc was a fake story but I reasoned to him that may be his colleagues on the way were stuck in traffic because of this bomb blasts to gracefully part.

While leaving we realized that the series blast attacks were named 7/11 as it was 11^th of july further I realized that 6.10pm borivali train’s first class compartment in which I was getting in was bombed and blasted outside borivali station, among the several others trains. There were very serious casualties.

I was witnessing it all and analyzing that what could be Abhijit’s agenda? And finally he opened up. He said Jinesh do you have a change of Rs.1000/- and I told him I just had Rs.300 (Being dejected and expecting to lose a huge sum as alimony, my psyche was anyways very conservative in carrying money) but I realized he wanted the money and would promise to return the next day and never turn up. He did not have his card or phone number too and I realized he is a local thug with a sharp memory and would accumulate information about individuals from others and pose as friend to that person, win confidence, establish goodwill, become helpless and extract minor money as if he is in need and vanish. The amount being petty no one would like to waste time in following up too.

I wanted to offer him all the money that I had coz he had unknowingly saved my life, though a thug. I gave him Rs.200/- and retained Rs.100/- to reach dahisar since trains were halted indefinitely to trace more bombs if any. But now I get another call from Chhaya to enquire if I was fine and also fetch her from vile parle as she was stuck there at a colleagues’ place. So I requested Abhijit to return me 100/- for rick fare to and fro to fetch Chayya and keep 100 for him to reach juhu, which he did. We parted and abhijit vanished. Immediately Chhaya calls up and says she would stay back and I can proceed. Thus I got saved and it costed me only Rs.100/- which I do not mind parting with. May be that transaction was pending from some past life which got settled.

My Conclusion:

Next day abhijit left his message in my voice mail as I had kept my mobile off since I was in temple. When I received his voice mail I found that he now posed as Dr Abhijit yesterday he was an engineer. I understood that an unstable minded person was deputed to save my life, who did not allow me to reach home early, kept me stranded but actually was saving me from big blast, I cannot keep in touch with him voluntarily now as his role was only limited to save me. Similarly my estranged wife till date has not given me divorce on paper but has been separated since 6+ years, she is progressing professionally and enjoying life as I have witnessed it myself.  I take it as a god’s call to be single and not get in to family life which may not be my cup of tea and may not be made for me and thus be spiritual. And there is a better day in waiting which is not yet dawned.

Thinking about this I feel very light and satisfied. I realize that good and bad karmas in past lives give you the results. I was cursing abhijeet when he asked me to leave the train as I thought that atleast at that day I could have reached home early than usual. My journey in the bombed compartment was prevented by a person who’s agenda was to extract petty money from me which I must have taken from him in past births and also save me (some kind of pending karmic transaction). And I got a lesson of my life of finding positives in everything. Likewise my wife too is deputed to make me spiritual and serve my sentence for my misdoings in the past but like I cannot make friends with abhijit whose agenda is to suck but unknowing played instrumental in saving me, Similarly my reasons best known to me would stop me from reuniting but will always acknowledge god’s decision in me being stranded.

God speaks with you, are you listening?

After this episode, I have also started deriving pleasure from all those events that go against my wish as I trust the instrumental sinners are mere messengers of god, only helping me serve my sentence well. And I do not have any positive or negative affliction towards those deputies. I simply am serving to the command of the governor upstairs.

Like deepakbhai explains that if someone who wants to go to the airport cannot fall in love with the taxi driver who drops him at airport, we transact and part, as the ultimate goal is to board a flight from airport. Similarly my wife and abhijeets are instrumental to whom I should thank but cling only to the path of liberation.

Jai Jinendra

Jai Satchitanand.

Relative me = Jinesh Zaveri.

Real I = Puresoul.

God = the invisible power ; the scientific circumstantial evidences

Chewing Bones

I was just 10 years of age. And I do not know why but I was quite influenced by one jain monk. May be destiny was preparing my understanding for this day. And the jain monk was instrumental. I used to spend my afternoons with him listening to his stories on religious topics. His command of me worshipping my parents today is 22 yrs old as everyday before leaving the house for any work I touch the feet of my parents.

I can go on and on about him but I would like to stick to the other command of duty and that is to write about spiritual understanding and dealing with situations like victimization and divorce.

Muni Ratna Vijaya was his deeksha name. He told me about why a dog sucks and chews the bone and how we are no different. And he explained me something that I haven’t forgotten till date. And have been lucky to interpret it in the ever stressed situations of life. He said that the dog sucks the bone not because it finds it tasty but rather is deceived by its own limited thinking.

Dog would bite the bone, chew the bone and then suck it. In this process the bone will tear the gums and thus the blood would ooze from it. This blood is perceived by the dog as the taste of juice of the bone and will go on sucking without realizing that it is actually sucking its own blood and there is nothing like the juice of the bone.

Dogs accumulate bones and do not allow anyone to share. May be that is their prestige issue of achieving things. They would fight their life out too to achieve the bones. Similarly there are things in life that we too strive hard for without actually realizing why are we doing it? And where would that lead us to? We infact never realize that we are in a peer pressure; in a rat race and never bother it question us that whether it is worth it?

We compare ourselves with everything else without realizing that not everything is common at all. No 2 signatures of the same person are the same, five fingers are different in size. Then why do we become victims of artificially generated labels like success and failure? Rather it is all relative.

Imagine a stranger, standing in front of a house holding a card that is inverted and hence is not able to match the name on the card and the one on the name plate. Now tell me should he invert the card to read straight or should the door with the name plate be inverted so that it matches the text on the inverted card?

Similarly certain relationships go sour when this basic understanding to understand opposite person’s point of view is not taken into consideration and irreversible circumstances are then generated. And some cleverly blackmail with this logic too.

We need to stop chewing the bone. We need to understand that our dependency is on our action and our happiness which is independent of rat race. Generally couples fight when they compare themselves with others’ so called greener grass. Then they go tangent by getting in to petty issues. Trying to prove oneself right and win and thus losing the other forever. This mindset comes with an influence of the nearest opinion of the relatives.

Then comes ego and to fulfill ego the interdependency goes for a toss that otherwise causes synergy and comes in independence that is no less than chewing a bone.

e.g of the wrongs that actually lands up in chewing a bone and sucking our own blood in cases of marriage, divorce etc.
- Dowry demands because it has been a tradition and one needs to get better in rat race of demanding and getting it.
- Offering Dowry because it has been a tradition and one needs to get better in the rat race of giving it better than last given in that circle.
- Getting so called independent by becoming totally dependent on money (by 2 income families) and doing a job so that one can tame the monster called LIFESTYLE for the sake of status in society.
- Fighting court battles because the local bedroom and drawing room battles were lost so now chewing the bone called litigation that tares our pockets and getting the taste of ones own blood thinking we are winning or losing thus getting fame or sympathy, would lead us to loss on both sides.

Well in extreme cases battles need to be fought but with detachment and not the illusion of chewing the bone. Only then a person could remain calm, as Lord Mahavira advised the Chandakaushiya Cobra who turned nonviolent after being influenced by the Tirthankara, but also suffered as ants attacked the predator who had pledged penance, Lord Mahavira said that he has a right to Hiss and keep the attackers away. But on separate occasions also agreed that if you take is as the undoing of karma then your ticket for moksha would no longer be in the waiting list.

So let us forgive and forget those noble un-doers and part with them as friends if nothing else is workable. After all Let Live and Live should be the way of life and no one should be stuck or should suffer on account of anyone’s act.

With Humble Vibrations,
Jinesh Zaveri.

I Love you oh god

I mean it.